19 Big Months

Little Bean is 19 months old today.  Holy smokes!

 The past month has, indeed, been a fruitful one.

I figure the blog is due for some updated Little Bean photos.  Yes??

Chloe's first finger pinching experience also happened today, which is a milestone in and of itself. Poor baby girl pinched her finger in the doorway to her nursery this morning.  She loves opening and closing doors, and while I feel like I'm constantly watching to make sure she doesn't get her fingers pinched, I was too slow on the draw this morning.

I saw her run into the nursery, close the door, then I heard one big scream, followed by several others, to which I spotted four tiny little fingers pinched in the inside edge of the door opening.  The following two minutes were a bit of a circus.  Naturally, I freaked out trying to help her.  She was on the inside of the nursery, and I was standing out in the hall trying to figure out how to get into the room without pinching her figures even worse.

My mind went blank when I couldn't think of whether or not to open the door or close it more to make the opening big enough to get her fingers out.  I totally panicked and started yelling, "Ron, her fingers are stuck!!  Her fingers are stuck!!"

Well, because I'm a spaz and have a near death experience anytime something even slightly scary happens to our daughter, my hubby in all of his rationality came to the rescue, saved the pinched fingers, scolded me for being a spaz and saved the day.  Another day; another A, or not so much for me. 

Daddy is the hero today.

Just when I think I couldn't possibly love her anymore, I discover that I am more in love than ever with her big, twinkling blue eyes, chubby cheeks and larger than life belly laugh.

 
Last night as I held her in my arms with her head resting on my shoulder and those little arms of hers wrapped around my neck in a display that whispers, "Mommy, I feel safe and secure just. like. this.," I thought back to a time when I wondered if I would ever have any children when I so desperately desired to.

Thinking further on it in that moment, my eyes swept across the CHLOE banner hanging above her crib, and I thought about how I had always loved that name as long as I could remember, how my husband loved the name too and how we now have our very own little Chloe and just how surreal it all is when the journey is broken down into fragments of memories.  Somehow, we had both sensed that we were having a girl, so to be honest, we never even discussed boy's names. 

As I held my girl in my arms last night, I thought back on that tiny baby that fit snuggly in the crook of one arm - that little baby girl we first brought home from the hospital who now has strong, long legs and arms and fills much of the expanse of my own body just to carry her. 

 

I thought, "I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to call this little one mine.  She came from me; she came from my husband.  She is literally a part of us, and she is perfect.  Whoa."

And here we are at 19 months - 19 months of more sleepless nights than not, 19 months of growing pains, challenges and difficult parenting decisions, but more importantly the BEST and, undoubtedly, the most magical 19 months of my life spent snuggling with my beautiful, bright, happy, loving baby girl and one pretty darn outstanding husband, both of whom fill my heart.

Chloe gives both her daddy and I lots of hugs and kisses, and we treasure each and every one.

As I look at my little girl today, I see a toddler who is sensitive and shy around others until she has been given a comfortable amount of time to come out of her shell (she gets this trait from both of her parents).  I shall call this the warm-up-window. 

Baby girl just needs some time within the safety of either her mommy or daddy's arms to get acclimated to her surroundings before she feels safe in anyone else's arms.  This is pretty crucial for her.  Apparently, I was  like that at her age, too. 

 M.S. Walk in Hastings - We walk this each year in support of my mother-in-law who has M.S.

I also see a sweet, affectionate little girl who is very talkative, giggly and ever-so-happy.  She is smart as a whip, too.  Her Auntie Jenna gave her the flash cards you see below, and she's had all of them memorized for about a month now.  Just watching her learn and discover and show us all that she knows has been such an awesome experience.

Oh, and these little pink, cow pajamas totally slay me.  Whenever I put her in them, there's suddenly a hot pink flash of lightning that streaks across the living room.

She is VERY attached to both her daddy and I, which blesses me beyond anything because I know a day will come when she will be strong and independent and make a life for herself, and these sweet moments of our baby girl's life will be a distant, however, precious, memory.

Bubble blowing lessons :)

 

Ever curious and always exploring...

What a precious time, and I'm soaking it all up!!

Ciao!

Heart Sessions: An Old Hope, A New Reminder

 My heartbeat on this earth

I arrived at my office approximately (and ever-so-consistently) 10 minutes late this morning.  I took off my running shoes and tossed them in a corner behind my desk and then fished a favorite pair of boots out of my backpack.

Once I was fully attired for my work day, I decided to go make myself a cup of coffee from the office Keurig machine, so I popped in a K-cup, pressed a button and walked away because waiting that 45 seconds for my cup to fill feels like an eternity, am I right, gang?  Okay, then.

Ten minutes later, I recalled that I had made a cup of coffee and proceeded to retrieve it.  Upon arrival, I discovered that my cup of coffee had, indeed, brewed as evidenced by the coffee pooling all over the counter.

Momentarily confused, I soon pieced together the evidence and deducted that I had forgotten the "cup" part of the brewing process, hence, the coffee that freely flowed all over the machine and onto the countertop.

AND that's not even the first time I've done that, sad to say.

Sooooooo, where I have been lately, you may be wondering?

Well, between the I-have-no-idea-what-I-did-two-seconds-ago moments and the information overload I've subjected myself to (shhh...I'm trying to be healthy, and I'm actually researching all about it), I feel pretty overwhelmingly thankful today - thankful for my husband, for our beautiful daughter, and for the little moments that fill in the gaps of me spilling my coffee all over and everything else in between.

Oh, yes, I've been a busy girl, but I've also been looking deep within myself asking some very tough questions lately.  It's usually these reflective times, when my blog gets quiet.  I tend to shut things down somewhat, and just be still (well, as still as reasonably possible these days).  I often have to dig deep and and really ask, "What am I living this life for?  Who am I living for?"

The more I think about it, the more I begin to acknowledge that I will spend the rest of my life needing to remind myself of those very questions.

This is what I've concluded...

In a modern culture that praises self-indulgence, I'm constantly fighting the urge to buy more, to achieve more, to improve me, me, me (like I'm trying to do at this very moment).  Sure, I feel equally committed to doing all those things for my family too, but I feel like something or Someone gets lost when these things becomes my focus, and I have to wonder if the answer isn't that I just simply need less of me and more of the Lord.

Just a side note, if you haven't heard Zach Sobiech, the amazing 18-year old from the Twin Cities who passed away yesterday from a rare bone cancer, please grab a kleenex, and watch this video.  This kid loved the Lord and has been an inspiration to millions around the world.  His is truly a beautiful legacy...



As I've followed Zach's story over the past couple of months and even yesterday as I saw the mass destruction of the Oklahoma tornadoes, I was reminded that this one shot at life is so incredibly brief.  I was once again reminded that we, as a society, need more of God in this world and less of our own self-obsession.  We need more people like Zach inspiring and loving others.

We are here today; gone tomorrow...so how are we going to live for today?

You see, I've been doing the mommy and wife gig for awhile now, which is, undoubtedly, the most precious part of my life, but even those cherished roles, don't protect me from the heartache I feel at the thought of any one of my loved ones being lost or hurt.  The agony that accompanies that thought process is torture for me, and what I can only imagine to be an unbearable reality to those actually experiencing it.

So, I need to let you in on a little secret (or not so much a secret)...I pray a lot, A LOT, A LOT, A LOT, and I find comfort in God's powerful Word because in the middle of my normal blah-blah-blah kind of day, there a people all over this world suffering the unimaginable.

The Oklahoma tornadoes and the wake of devastation they have left behind not only breaks my heart, but it reminds me that this is just one devastating event in the midst of countless tragedies that have rocked our nation.  It reminds me that when all else fails, there is ONE and only ONE who can bring healing to the hearts and homes of this broken nation.

You know the old saying, "What is insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

Let's try something different today, gang. 

Do you know someone who is hurting?  Someone who is trying to hide it?  Someone who's looking for the peace that only the Creator can give through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ?  I do.  I know a lot of people who hide within themselves, coping the only way they know how and that breaks my heart for them because there is freedom, and there is hope to be claimed.  There is peace beyond the pain.

As a matter of fact, often times I'm mocked for standing firm in my faith.  While it's never comfortable, I'm okay with that part of it.  I always have been, and I expect it, actually.  The part I'm not okay with is watching people suffer if I can offer any assurance of hope.  I know pain, and I know peace, and let me tell you, the latter is far superior to the former.

The most devastatingly beautiful moments in my life have been when, in the midst of pain, I have chosen to open the door of my heart and let peace come in.

Here's the cool part...I don't have just any assurance of hope, I have the map and directions to THEE hope, and they are yours for the taking, friends.

So for those out there hurting today, I leave you with a new reminder of an old, but ever present hope...


"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands.  And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.
       From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.  God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.  For in him we live and move and have our being."  -Acts 17:24-28

Remember how I mentioned at the beginning of this post (or did I lose you already?!) that waiting 45 seconds for a cup of coffee in our me, me, me world feels like an eternity?  What if there was a very real eternity, as in the kind where you don't get to go back and do life over after a forgetful 10 minutes.  What if, after we take our last breath on this earth, there is a very real eternity waiting for us?  Either eternal glory in the presence of Jesus or eternal separation from God and all that is light?  What if?

The choice is yours for the taking.

Here's a little something extra from the hand of a far younger version of myself...the truth of it still stands today.

 

In case you can't read the verses, here's what they say:

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise as some understand slowness.  He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." John 17:3

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

"If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified , and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."  Romans 10:9-10

Blessings,

5 Years of Marriage

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who grew up praying for her future husband...

After years of love and growing pains, that little girl inside and that persevering young man discovered that love is not so much about feelings, although the feelings always remain.  Rather, it is a slow dying fire that simply takes a little breath of life to set it aflame all over again.

There isn't a day that I don't thank God for giving the love of my life and I that breath of new life that has time and time again ignited our powerful spark for one another.

And so...

Five years ago, that prayerful little girl said "I will" to that husband she had long dreamed of.

She said...

I will love him...

and cherish him...

in sickness...

and in health...

And in her heart she was telling him so much more... 

She was telling him that she will love him when he doesn't feel like loving her back, that she will encourage him when discouragement comes knocking at his door, that she will fight for him through constant prayer, and she will remind him that he is of great worth in both her eyes and in God's sight through her actions and by her words.  She will strive to choose her words carefully that she may always build him up.

For the many times she may fail, she will strive a hundred-fold to love him all the more, for he has been chosen for her and her alone, and he is worthy of that kind of love.

To my handsome husband,

Through the mountaintops and valleys that we have been swept through since you first asked me to dance at that wedding over 11 years ago, I continue to be blessed, challenged and inspired by you.  You are my best friend on this earth, and a phenomenal father to our daughter.  You are now part of me, my love, and I am one blessed girl to call you mine.  Happy Anniversary! 

...And that little girl who grew up praying for her future husband, indeed, got the man of her dreams.

"None can believe how powerful prayer is, and what it is able to effect, but those who have learned it by experience.  It is a great matter when in extreme need to take hold on prayer. I know whenever I have prayed earnestly, that I have been amply heard, and have obtained more than I prayed for.  God indeed sometimes delayed, but at last He came."  --Martin Luther

Baby Swimming Lessons

Before I dive in here (no pun intended), I have to throw out the disclaimer that most of the pictures here are terribly blurry. I passed my iphone over to the sweet receptionist at Aqua Tots, and she was kind enough to snap a few pics for me, albeit behind the glass enclosure of the pool.

Okay, then.

I'm sharing this post for a couple of different reasons: 1.) To shed light on the importance of swimming lessons, and 2.) To share some ideas for getting your little one involved in swimming lessons if you haven't already done so.

Does this have anything to do with Lovely Scribbles?  None whatsoever, but let's have fun with it anyway, shall we? 

So, this whole swimming lesson thing is not something new to me. Way, waaaay back in the day, I was a lifeguard and certified WSI (Water Safety Instructer). That was a good 14 years ago, and just acknowledging the time lapse, makes me feel ancient.

My baby bean is a little unsure about this part.

Anyhoo, let me give you a little background on why swimming lessons are so important to me...

Rewind to many years earlier, and I was a four year old little peanut at an outdoor swimming pool with my mom and brothers.  Like most little ones, I was fast, and the fact that I was small likely made me even more difficult to spot when taking off in a crowd of kids.

I was also somewhat fearless like many little kids.  My four year-old little self bolted for the diving board that day, and how I remember this I'll never know, but I remember sneaking off to the diving board and walking down to the end of it (with no swimming skills whatsoever) and thinking, "I think I can jump far enough that I'll be close enough the grab onto the edge of the pool."  

Sooo....

I jumped in.

And I was wrong.

I was not close enough to grab the ledge of the pool.  In fact, I started sinking, and I remember looking up through the water above my head to see a lifeguard standing at the ledge of the pool looking down at me probably wondering if I really was drowning.

I was.

Then, in one quick swoop, that lifeguard's arm reached down into the water, and grabbed onto my tiny flailing arm and pulled me up out of the water.  Whew!  Man, am I thankful he was paying attention!

Of course, my brothers finally spotted me, freaked out, and rushed me back over to my mom, but, thankfully, my lesson had been learned, and the memory of it still sits with me to this day.

Even last summer, when my husband and I took Chloe out on a boat with his family, I was so adamant (borderline emotional) about Chloe wearing an infant life jacket (it's the law in Minnesota, too) that I refused to take her on a boat without one.  My husband thought I was being ridiculous, but I'm a mom with a background in water safety, so what can I say??  By the way, bless their hearts, our host family did find an infant life jacket for her, and we had a lovely boat ride as you can see here. :)

Sooo, fast forward to a few years later when my family moved to another small town in Minnesota - a town that somehow afforded a pretty sweet, Olympic-size, indoor swimming pool, which meant that if you had never had swimming lessons prior to starting elementary school, you would get them for free because learning to swim and swimming in general was a Phy. Ed. requirement all the way through high school.  That's exactly where I learned to swim, and it was at this same pool that I later became a lifeguard and swimming instructor.

I taught kids of all ages starting around 3-4 years going up to 10-12 year-old's.  Now, I probably could have taught my daughter swimming lessons myself, but I am years removed from teaching lessons, and I had never taught infants or toddlers.  I also like the idea of going to structured lessons where the swimming instructors specialize in teaching the wee little ones, like my little Chloe.

While Minnesota boasts as the home of the famous Foss Swim School (which is another great resource), as well as a host of other very qualified instructors at a variety of community pools, local YMCA's, etc., I really was looking for this specific, specialty baby swim course called Infant Swimming Resource (ISR), where infants and toddler's are taught self-rescue.  Unfortunately, there are no ISR instructors or courses here in the Twin Cities.

Check out this video of ISR...

So, I decided to find a course that at least provided some basic safety skills for infants/toddlers within a controlled environment where I could also participate for an extended period of time...that is until Chloe becomes more comfortable in the water and can work one-on-one with the swimming instructor.

Enter into the picture Aqua Tots. 

This baby swim instruction will assist both the parent and the baby by introducing a number of critical water safety skills and encouraging social interaction and fun. It’s irresponsible to teach a baby to enjoy the water, without giving them these important life saving swim skills. 
 -Aqua Tots website

Like I mentioned above, there are tons of options as far as enrolling your baby in swimming lessons, but so far, I've really liked my experience with Aqua Tots.  It's a fun environment, and while they do teach lessons up to 12 years old, the focus is clearly on the "tots", and for this stage with Chloe, I like the specialized approach.  It's not for everyone, but so far, I think it's been wonderful.

The infant swimming noodles they use are awesome, too! 

During the past couple of lessons, we've practiced floating on belly and back, entrance into and exit out of the pool, dunking (surprisingly, far more that I was expecting for an infant/toddler course), swimming with noodles, supervised and assisted jumping into the pool, sliding into the pool on a mat, oh, and we get to sing songs, too. :)

The dunking always gives me anxiety, and one of the instructors said to me, "Uh-oh, it looks like 'mom' is a little nervous."  I was totally nervous!  Chloe never cried, and it was always a quick dunk under the water at their instruction, but she always popped up with this horrified look as if to say, "What on earth are you doing to me, Mommy?!" 

I'm just going to trust the instructors on the whole dunking thing.  Like I said, I've never taught babies how to swim.

If you've been wondering how soon is too soon to start swimming lessons, I would encourage you to really explore the swimming lesson options in your area.  Most baby courses start at 6 months.  Crazy, I know!  We chose to start Chloe in swimming lessons a couple weeks ago at 16 1/2 months.

And...now that we've starting swimming lessons, I can sleep at night.

Amen for that.

Ciao!

Green Crayon

Grab your hot cocoa and sit back, gang.  It's story time again.

I followed the trail of green crayon flowing freely across my beautiful, hardwood floors.

It's destination: one tiny, whale-spouted (pony-tailed) little bean. I'm not naming any names here, but I have an itching suspicion that the work of the green crayon graffiti belongs to this little one...

I promise I didn't do it, Mommy!

Look at this face.  It just kills me!

It reminds me of the time I was in 5th grade, and I decided to test out my mom's self-tanner lotion, which was only the beginning of years of a love/hate relationship with self-tanner, by the way.  The result of my experiment was orange splotches all over my body, and the insides of my fingers were a lovely shade of burnt orange, contrasted against the rest of my pasty white skin.  I clearly must've skipped over the part of the directions where I was supposed to wash the lotion off my hands ASAP.

Talk about fine print for you.

When my mom asked, "Nicole (just imagine the "mom" tone here), did you get into my self-tanner?", I shook my head and likely gave her the same expression as the Bean, as if to say, "Uh...I have no idea what you're talking about, Mom.  Nothin' to see here."  I thought I had outsmarted her despite the blatantly obvious evidence to the contrary.

No lie - I was sitting in a hotel lobby with my parents that week, and we overheard a couple at a table next to us talking about me.  Their exact words were, "She would be such a pretty girl if she didn't have that skin disease."

Awesome.

My mom still teases me about that incident.

As I recall, I wore those tight-fitting knit gloves - you know, the $1 Wal-Mart kind - to school for the week, to hide my sweeeeet rust-colored hands.

Gee, if only I could go back and live that one all over!

Okay, maybe I did do it, Mommy...

Earlier that day (okay, like 5 minutes earlier)...

Do you see what's in her hand? I do believe that's a green crayon. 

You see, I set up Fort Chloe in the kitchen in an attempt to clean up my cooking mess.  I assumed that I provided enough entertainment to keep her in one place for at least 10 minutes.

I was wrong.

I couldn't even keep her in one place for 10 seconds!
 
She is one BUSY little lady.  AND fast, too!

I turned for what could only have been a few seconds, and she was out of eye-sight, which always ensues the following wave of panic immediately followed by a mental checklist of...

Did I take this item off the floor so that she can't put it in her mouth? Can she tip over that little table and get hurt?  Is she off eating crayon again?  Please, God, don't let there be any dog poop accidents on the floor!

Hey, don't judge, it happens to the best of us dog lovers, especially those of us with these tiny, little dogs that think that THEY are the king of the castle.

I flew around the corner, and discovered this...

You see, Peaches likes to take mouthfuls of food and drop them around the house so that she can eat right next to wherever one of us happens to be.  It drives my husband nuts because we literally have little trails of dog food all over the house that we're constantly picking up.

Part of the adventure, I say! Okay, not really.

Back to the photo...so Chloe found one of Peaches' little pieces of dog food and proceeded to feed it to her.  When I saw this, I had one of those, "Awe, that's so sweet - I need to get a picture of this" moments...until Chloe then proceeded to try to put the other piece in her hand into her own mouth.

After prying it out of her tiny iron fist and after the "Awe" moment had quickly passed, I scooped her up and took her back to Fort Chloe.

It was en route (think 4 walking steps) back to the kitchen, when my eyes began to follow the trail of green crayon.  I just shook my head and started laughing in defeat, which, in turn, caused Chloe to break out in those deep belly giggles, as if to say, "Mommy, you're so silly!"

So, it was at this point, two things logically occurred to me:

1. My kitchen will not be clean any time before the sun goes down, and...

2. It's nap time.

Oh, and the yellow chew beads around her neck...well, as soon as she spots them, whether it be first thing in the morning or as soon as we walk in the door from an outing, she makes a beeline for them and puts them around her neck.

What can I say?  The girl likes her accessories. :)

This is my life these days.  It may seem chaotic, but it is good, really GOOD.  While chasing down my toddler and in the midst of my messy house, there is a ton of laughter.

I now "get" what it means to be a young mom with the messes and the chasing and the never-ending catching up to do, but more importantly, I have never loved a time more in my life...

...Because, you know what?  As soon as sweet little bean finally conked out for that nap of hers and I had the time to clean and what not...well...I already missed her, and all I wanted to do was wake her back up and play because she draws that out of me.  She is spunky and charming, and so stinkin' lovable that all I can do in chasing-my-tail moments like this is smile.

I AM BEAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!

No really, this girl can seriously roar...like a LION...one of her many endearing talents.

Happy Monday, gang!

Ciao!

Chalk Signs

Recently, I was asked by my sister-in-law Jenna of Eat Drink Pretty to create a chalk written sign for my niece Juliet's first birthday party, which was a couple of weeks ago.  Check out the full party over {here}.  I loved the idea, and it was a fun project for me to work on.

Photos courtesy of Jessica Rose Photography

 
It's not an original concept by any means, but the writing and design are unique to me, so that counts for something, right??

It worked well for me to use actual old-school chalk on this sign simply because Jenna lives just a few blocks down the street from us, so I didn't have to worry about smudging the chalk in shipping.

Soooo, now I'm toying with the idea of offering these signs for sale on my long-neglected Etsy shop.  Going forward, I would use a smudge-proof chalk "ink", as in what you see on the chalkboards at Caribou, etc.

What do you think?  Is there a genuine interest in having one of these custom signs make a debut at your special event.  I would love to hear your feedback!

Ciao!

Self Improvement or Something Like It

First of all, I would be remiss if I didn't take the time to mention that my hubby and I took our little bean sledding for the first time this past weekend.

 

It was a gorgeous winter afternoon, and the snow sprayed our faces (maybe a little too much) as we went sliding down the hill.  I think the Bean liked it too, but I couldn't tell from her expression as her giant, puffy jacket swallowed up most of her face...

Plus, we had the good fortune of celebrating with my brother Steven and his lovely bride Amanda as they got married this past weekend.  They had a small wedding at a charming little bed and breakfast, and it really was perfect.

Congratulations, you two crazy kids!

In other randomness, I woke up a couple of weeks ago (February 7, 2013, to be exact) to a bright and shiny inner revelation.  I woke up and for the first time in a good two years, I felt that old familiar nudging that TODAY is the day to tackle a little self improvement…

or something like it.

It felt as though the beautiful layer of fog that has been my atmosphere since my baby girl was born and probably even further back to when we first began our home renovation, was finally being lifted.  Of course, I’m still sleepy/sleep-deprived/longing for sleep/still whining about it as I write this, and yet life is, indeed, still beautiful.  However, I most definitely have a new fervor to do a little refining work on yours truly.

I even announced it to my boss the other day.  He said, “That’s great, Nikki.”

I’m sure he was ecstatic.

What I think he meant was, “So, you’ve been in a fog, running at half capacity for the past two years and you decide that now is a good time to work on it?  And I’m paying you for this because???”

My husband even took notice and wanted to know, “What’s with all of the blogging lately?”

(I know, right?!  It's like I can't stop talking!)

I think I responded with something profound like, “I dunno.”  Grunt, grunt.

In all honesty, I don’t have the slightest clue where my new found motivation has stemmed from.  Perhaps, the good Lord found my programming to be boring and decided to turn up the volume and add in some background dancers to jazz things up a bit.

 

I really don’t know.

BUT (I use a lot of BUTS…have you noticed?), but I feel good…and motivated. 

For now.

So, I’m just going to go with it.

Get this, I even cleaned my room last night, too.  Let me tell you why this is significant, shall I? 

Well, I'm fairly diligent about keeping my kitchen scrubbed down and shiny clean.  I disdain when my kitchen is a mess, so I will typically stay up late cleaning it, making my countertops sparkle, etc.  What does this have to do with my bedroom, you ask?

Well, now that I've made myself feel better about keeping my kitchen clean, I now feel safe in admitting that my bedroom is a completely different story.  It's my (and my husband's) clothes-land-where-you-may sanctuary.  Life is busy, and our bedroom is just that space where the whole there's not enough time in the day or I just don't have the energy to put my clothes away culminates in once place.

OR, you may also recognize it as bad feng shui. 

Whatevs.

Here's the exciting news, though, yesterday was that day that inevitably comes where I can't take it anymore, and I did a mad cleaning of our master suite.  I use that term liberally, by the way.  BUT, I'm telling you, it looks awesome! 

So I have to ask myself, "Why in the world don't I keep it looking like this on a daily basis?"

Therein, lies my next level of self-improvement...keeping my bedroom that peaceful sanctuary that it's meant to be. 

Next up on my list of random self-improvements is getting back on the exercise train more consistently.  It's not that I don't ever exercise.  It's just not as often as I would like.  So to give myself I little kick in the butt, I even signed up for a running race right here in frigid Minnesota for the second weekend in March, and I’ve even taken it upon myself to train for it.  Can you believe it?!

This next one is a doozy.  Hold onto your hats, gang…

I've decided to give up Facebook for the next 30 days (and maybe longer). Haha!  Yeah, right.  Nikki made a funny.

NOTE: I first typed up this post a few days ago and have already experienced an epic fail with cutting out Facebook.  Although, I think I did go an entire 2 days (WOW, right?) without knowing what the world was doing with every second of everyone's day.  I did cave eventually because I was asked to post some family pics.  Excuses, excuses, I know.

Anyhoo, for the couple of days that I did just check out from all things social media, I discovered that life was, in fact, more focused, more productive and overall more PEACEFUL.

Soooo, maybe I need to take these little breaks more often...

Right after I publish this blog post. :)

Anyhoo, like I said, I love all of it, but I just really need to be better about checking out from time to time. I need to be fully present in my life right now, so I’m really embracing giving this a go.

That being said, I’m curious to see how I’m able to make better use of the time I do have.

My hope is that I’ll have more time to read my Bible and journal, that I’ll have more focused discussions with my husband rather than each of us coming up for air from our iphones, that I would have more time to clean my house and maybe, just maybe that I would even scrounge up a little more energy time to add in for more exercise.

Case in point, this morning was a really good morning.  My husband and I were just visiting about work and life and all that good stuff in our clean bedroom.  Did I mention I cleaned our room?  It's clean.  It really is. Anyway, we were talking away while we were getting ready for work, and Chloe was there with us playing with her toys.  Well, we talked so much and were so relaxed that we both lost track of time and ended up heading out for work much later than planned. 

It was good stuff, though. 

Those moments when we really focus on the people in our lives and we stop to look up and to listen and to  fully engage in the moment.  These are the kind of moments I want to take the time for in my life.

I’m not going to lie, I really love life, and I'm comfortable at the moment.  All cushy and cozy even.  While I'm breathing in all the goodness and thoroughly enjoying the moment, it's easy to get too comfortable, and "too comfortable" is two doors down from "complacency", and complacency is pretty darn good friends with "apathy", and I really dislike apathy. 

So, self-improvement, here I come!

I am completely humbled and thank God everyday for this place I’m at right now, but I never want to quit striving.  I could spend a lifetime trying to improve myself, and I would still fall short, but I’ve realized that it’s far too easy to become complacent and comfortable, and there’s just so much more to life than sitting back and just letting it pass me by.  

I want to do better.  I want to be better.

Here I go!

Heart Sessions: Thoughts On Raising A Little Lady

These photos were taken a few months back by my sister-in-law Jenna on Chloe's first birthday.  

A couple of them are some of my favorites that I've never shared before.

I hope that she is adventurous and carefree.

Yet discerning and wise.

Curious and inquisitive.

Passionate yet gentle and kind.

Bold but loving.

Gracious and filled with compassion.

I pray that she would give kindness expecting nothing in return because that is just who she is.

That she would love the Lord with all of her heart, soul and mind in a way that would shatter barriers so that others may seek Him, too.

But above all else, I pray to God that she’s a little lady who honors Him with her life…

A little lady with a pile of respect for herself and for others.

That her humility and grace would override the world’s promotion of being first, best, fastest, smartest.

I pray that she would be filled with laughter and contentment, that she would be a peacemaker and that she would use her words to bring healing rather than hurt.

 

It sounds like a tall order, I know, but it turns out that God is in the business of serving up tall orders.

I still clearly remember the many, many times both my mom and dad would remind me, “Remember, Nicole, you’re a little lady.”  I knew they meant business whenever they used my full name, but as I recall, it was always served up with love and in a kind manner (not reproachful, well, okay, sometimes it was reproachful, but still it was always served up with love), and, perhaps, that’s why I desire to not only carry myself as a lady, but I also have that desire for my daughter.

I pray that she would be a blessing to others.

My pastor recently said something similar in one of our church services.  He used to tell his kids before they left to go out with friends, "Remember who you are and act accordingly."  I like how he served it up to them, allowing them the freedom to go out into the world, but instilling a gentle but powerful reminder that they have been raised to know what proper behavior is and to act accordingly.

My mom always reminded my brothers and me that while she loved us more than anything in the world and that she believed in us and that we could accomplish anything, she also made sure that we understood that we weren’t better than anyone else regardless of size, age, social class and whatever else differentiates us from others.  Regardless, we were to not make fun of others and we should always have good manners.

And still to this day, when there’s the temptation to laugh about something at someone else’s expense, I’m reminded of this lesson and I still feel that pang that reminds me, “Take a couple steps back, Nikki.  This is not right.”

I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but my mom did instill a fairly strong conscience in me.

The truth is that I’m terrified of raising a daughter in a world that tells her that manners and grace are subjective and that using crude language, exposing yourself and doing whatever makes you feel good is what makes you funny and cool and ultimately fit in.

It makes my heart ache at the realization that she will be subject to temptation in all of these areas just the same as the next young lady.

I admit that on the inside, a panic attack is brewing as I think of all of the pressures she will face.  I love her so much that there are days when I think my heart might explode right then and there, and even just the thought of her ever choosing to turn her back on all that is good and right, completely knocks the wind out of me.

AND in those moments, I finally understand the depth of my parents’ love for me, and even further, I have grasped onto an entirely deeper level of the love my Heavenly Father has for me.

As I look at my daughter and as I seek God’s Word for guidance on how to instill these good and true character qualities in her, there are a couple of things I am sure of…

 

First, she will make mistakes.  She will test her wings, and at times, she will fall.  It crushes to me admit it, but it is part of life and learning and growing.  I pray with all my heart that these moments would be few and far between and that, moreover, she would be victorious in all of her endeavors.

Secondly, as hard as it is to imagine while I’m still holding my baby girl in my arms, there will come a day when I will have to let go and leave her in the Lord’s hands.  In many ways, I find myself having to let go already each and every weekday that I go to work and am forced to entrust her to another’s care.

As you can see here, she's already letting me know that she's a big girl and can figure it out on her own!

A part of me battles with the fear that I’m making a huge mistake by working full-time and that I’m not home with her during a big part of the day when I should be there training and teaching and instilling these core values that are so dear to me.  I often ask myself, "Will I still make a difference?  Will there be enough time for me to teach her what it means to live out these precious values that are slowly disappearing from our culture?"

Of course, this is probably why I’ve never spent a night away from her in 16 months and why I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually gotten a babysitter. 

It's just that I keep telling myself that time is fleeting and before I know it, my little girl will be all grown up and creating a life of her own, and this precious time with her will be gone before I know it.

Like many working moms, I struggle with mommy guilt times a thousand, but I’m working through it.  Who knows, I may even squeeze in a vacation with my friends sans baby girl before the year is out.  We'll see. ;)

AND…

This is where my faith takes hold and slaps some sense into me and reminds me of this beautiful truth…

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

I am reminded that there is a sovereign Creator who loves my daughter even more than my husband and I do and that during the times I am not there with her and even during the times when I am with her, He is ever present and constant, watching over her.  Does that mean that she won’t ever have her struggles?  Of course, not.

 

BUT...it does mean that He will be with her always, watching over her, and showing her the way when she calls on His name.

For "Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved." Romans 10:13

In the middle of the night when I’m rocking my sweet girl back to sleep, I find myself praying this verse over her…

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.  Psalm 91:11-12

My version goes a little something like this…

Lord, please command your angels concerning my baby girl that she may be guarded in all her ways.  Protect her, Father, and guide her always, so that she may honor you with her life.

Where does that leave me in my desire to raise a little lady? Well, it leaves me with the knowledge that I need to make the most of the time I have with my daughter, that she is always watching me, and what I live out in my daily life is what she will live by in hers. 

 

Soooo, I need to be careful and wise and more importantly obedient to the Lord who has created her with a unique design and purpose for all that is good and true.

And...for all of those times that I just won’t measure up as a parent, I need to PRAY, pray, pray, pray for the wisdom to love and guide this one impressionable little life that I’ve been entrusted with.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  James 1:5-6

Every Friday over my lunch hour, I’m on the phone with one of my very best friends who happens to also be my prayer partner, and we pray together over the phone.  We pray over our marriages.  We pray over our children.  We pray over the big stuff, and we pray over the little stuff.  We pray over the “I have no idea how in the world we are going to accomplish this” stuff.

We pray because we know that without it, we leave ourselves defenseless against the arrows this life throws at us.

 

We pray Scripture verses because there is power in proclaiming God’s Word.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.  Hebrews 4:12-13

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere. Ephesians 6:18

We pray because we know it works. 

 

We know that God hears us when we call, and we know that He moves those impossible mountains through our prayers.  He doesn't always answer in the way we expect him to or in our time frame, but He has a higher purpose in the course in which he directs us, and his timing is always perfect.

For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst. Matthew 18:20

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."  Matthew 17:20

And so…I pray for my daughter, my little lady.  I pray that my shortcomings as a mother would be the very moments God steps in and displays his strength as a loving and holy Father.  

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

I pray that when she faces the challenges and pressures of this world we live in, that she would be found pure and honorable...

That she would, in fact, grow into a lovely, young lady.

P.s. I'm currently in the process of short-circuiting my Kindle Fire by ping-ponging back and forth from multiple books on this topic.  At the moment, I'm reading Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson and Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas (this last one is a good read on marriage).  So far, each book is excellent. :)

Have a blessed week, gang! 

Valentine's Recap

Valentine's Day was good.

I had blessing of taking the day off of work and spending it with my little girl.

Valentine's Day was also a bit hectic due to a couple of things:

First, another hammering of snow the night before = horrendous traffic.  While I did, in fact, have the day off with my little bean, I also needed to drive my hubby to and from work while his car was in the shop.  Plus, I had plans for Chloe and I to spend the morning visiting a friend on the far opposite side of the Twin Cities.

Despite the traffic, it was a beautiful day.  I'm pretty sure I heard it called a Winter Wonderland on the radio no less than 10 times on my lengthy drive, and to be perfectly honest, with the fresh, thick layer of snow weighing heavily on the tree branches, those folks were right on. 

Two hours of traffic later, the Bean and I arrived at our destination.  On a bright note, Chloe was a champ.  She just jabbered away, dumped Puffs and the correlating pile of crumbs all over the back of my car (I clearly wasn't thinking when I gave them to her), but she was happy, and that made all the difference in the world.  It could have been a much longer trip had that not been the case.

We had a fantastic breakfast at the Original Pancake house with my dear friend Suzi, and then it was back into traffic we went.

The rest of the day was somewhat uneventful.  I met my hubby over the lunch hour.  Chloe and I then went home only to get my car stuck in the driveway.  Bless-ed winter wonderland.

This was the height of awesome.

Two retired neighbors and a couple of shovels later, I was finally in my house and had a couple of hours of downtime with Chloe before we headed out for yet another drive to pick my husband up from work.  All in all, we were in four hours of traffic that day, but somehow, by the grace of God, I didn't mind.

By the time we got home, the big fancy dinner that I intended to cook got pushed out of the agenda due to the hectic day and the fact that time had really just gotten away from us.

As a lazy compromise, my husband whipped up some sloppy joe's.  Yes, I really did just say sloppy joe's...the kind from the can, too.  Excellent, right?  And yet neither of us really minded because, well, because in the eleven years since we started dating, we've never really celebrated Valentine's Day beyond exchanging cards.

Post sloppy joe's, I ran outside and borrowed my neighbors two-ton, 1970's snowblower, to which my neighbor said, "I bet this baby is older than you are!"

Yes, I believe it is, Mr. Neighbor.  It was so heavy that I seriously questioned who was steering who!

Anyhoo, I took it upon myself to clear out the driveway because I must've lost my mind or something, but I'm telling you, I was determined to not get my car stuck again!

Once I wrapped up that task (and while my arms continued to vibrate long after I had finished pushing the snowblower), I decided to shave my messy, furry little dog Oliver because he just looked like a disaster, which in turn made me feel like a bad human.

Anyway, I'm sure caffeine was involved in this inexplicable burst of unbridled motivation on a Thursday night, but, hey, at least I was productive.

Then...

Two days later on Saturday evening, once our busy week had finally stilled to the weekend calm that we so look forward to, I finally got to cook that big, homemade, fancy dinner for my husband.  Oddly enough, on that same day a special card arrived in the mail.  Much to my husband's disappointment, it was late.

However, in my book, the timing was perfect, and even more perfect was the card itself, which he designed.

It simply said: 

Nikki, I'm so happy to be spending Valentine's Day with you and Chloe.  You mean the world to me, and I'll always love you.  Love, Ron.

Simple.  Sweet.  Perfect.

It's amazing the way we can use our words to show our deep appreciation for our spouse.  My handsome husband and I have been through our share of heartaches and challenges, but we have never stopped fighting for and loving one another.

There is a fierceness in the way we love each other and have always been drawn to one another, and when our daughter arrived to this world, our lives really began.

It's not that everything in all the years prior was insignificant; it's that since the arrival of our baby girl, the past 16 months have been the very best in my life, and I believe that's been the case for my husband, too.  I feel it in every fiber of my being.  I couldn't possibly love my husband more.

He is a phenomenal father.  Any fears he may have had about fatherhood disappeared the moment our little girl was placed in his arms, and because I had to have a c-section, it was in his arms that she first found her home.  I am so proud of him not only for being an amazing father, but for being a very real partner in this new adventure called parenthood.

He is my best friend.

My soulmate.

The one whom I count the minutes until he arrives home.

The man who gets up early five days a week to thoughtfully pack my lunch for work each day.

The guy who pushes me to try harder, to never give up, to be a better person.

The one who makes me laugh like no other.

He is all this and so much more, and so it turns out that this Valentine's Day wasn't so ordinary after all.

He is my gift. 


P.s. The bean had a good Valentine's Day, too.

 Ciao!

Sleepy Days

I've had four cups of coffee today...

so that I could bring you this post.

Actually, it was for the intention of working out, but my procrastination in that realm is worthy of another blog entirely, so let's just pretend for the time being that that's not the case (wink, wink).

Do you see this adorably charming little lady here?  The one whose cute, itty-bitty nose battled a wicked hangnail at naptime and lost said battle?

Yes, this little one.

She's rapidly approaching 16 months, and she's currently working on cutting a couple new teeth, and I'm fairly certain she grew an inch over the weekend.

It's a lot for a little peanut, and all of those big girl milestones come at the dear cost of SLEEP for sweet little bean and one painfully tired mommy.

BUT, and there's a big, bright and beautiful BUT, as one of my favorite Bible verses promises...

"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

It's true, too... 

...because at the dawn of each new day, the nighttime growing pains are long gone, and joy really does come in the morning. :)

I met a dear friend for lunch today, and she asked me if Chloe is really this happy or if I just take pictures when she's happy. The answer is that it's a little bit of both.

She really is a bright, happy little girl.  She's spunky and, dare I say, sassy on occasion, but moreover she is a sweetheart.  She lights up my day.  She really does.

Of course, like all little ones, she has her trying moments.

For example, she hates her changing table and has for months, so I've reverted to distracting her while I'm changing her by handing her my iphone and playing nursery rhymes on youtube to keep her distracted.  What can I say? It works.

She also wants mommy's full, undivided attention.  Period.  Apparently this is the norm for toddlers, so I just roll with it.

But like I said, Chloe is more happy than she is not, and her daddy always says to her, "I hope you're always this happy, little bean."

Me, too. :)

She was very cautious and clung tight to mommy and daddy for that first year.  However, as the months pass, it's as if she's shouting to the world, "I'm here!  The party can now start!"

She giggles and jabbers and LOVES to show off her new teeth.  Just ask her, and she'll show you.

She can roar like a lion, to which I heard amplified for a good 15 minutes through the monitor at bedtime last night.

I just smiled and listened along.

These days, when I'm getting ready to put her to bed, she lays her head on my shoulder, and I just walk and sway with her, and she wraps her tiny little hands around the back of my neck and pulls on the few stray strands of hair that have fallen out of my pony tail until she's nice and sleepy. She's been doing that for months now, and it makes my heart swell with love for her.

I know I've said it before, but when she was born, she really did look like her daddy, but somewhere along the way, her looks started to change.

I remember the moment, too.  She was around two months old, curled up in my arms looking up at me, and for the first time I saw what so many people now see when they look at her.  I saw a mini-me staring back at me.  I remember thinking, "Oh my gosh, she looks like me."  Whoa.

 

Of course, I see her daddy in her, too. In her expressions and in some of her features, and I continue to be amazed by the way God has taken small pieces of each of us and woven her together into her own little person.

She is, indeed, the Creator's handiwork.

I recently read an article that said that social media can be a good thing, but it can also be not so good in that we have the potential to become braggers and/or make our lives look better than they are.

I thought about that idea a lot, and while I always strive to be as transparent as possible here, I want to confess a couple things...

First, the pictures are pretty and fun, and my heart is so full and blessed to have been given my daughter.  I thank God each and every day for her, and I never want to take this special gift for granted, so I like to share the moments that make me smile in hopes that they make you smile, too.  I certainly know that I genuinely share in the joys of other parents' children.

BUT, let it be known, that being a parent is hands down the hardest thing I've ever done.  I firmly believe that the reward far outweighs the day-to-day rat race of trying to be supermom, the sleepless nights, the tears and the moments where you just can't figure out how on earth to make your little one feel better.

And when you take it out on your poor, unsuspecting spouse because you've reserved all of your patience for the little sweet pea keeping you up all hours of the night.

It happens to the best of us.

 

I promise you this, though...

If you continue to extend grace and forgiveness for the tough times, those happy, blissful moments really will far outweigh the challenges, and you will soon discover just how wonderful parenthood and marriage can really be.

Bean says so, too.

Have a blessed week, gang.

Ciao!